Fruit This Summer

I did not get the chance to plant a garden this Summer so I missed that thrill of eating something fresh out of your own garden.  Without a doubt, everything and anything that you've grown on your own tastes 1000% better than anything and everything ever known to man.  This is #fact.

I searched high and low for some sweet and flavorful fruit and I was disappointed so much this season.  I believe this is the first Summer that I didn't have any watermelon, cantaloupe, or honey dew that made my heart flutter.  I've had a few fresh pineapples that were more sour than sweet.  I can't even begin to tell you how many berries and grapes I purchased that had no flavor what-so-ever.

As a person who is not into cakes, pies, and the like, my sweet tooth started to get fed with Debbie Cakes, soda pop, and fruit-flavored candy.  While they served it's purpose, I was not satisfied with any of those things.  They were way too sweet.  I started to feel like I was in a Alfred Hitchcock book and someone was trying to kill me slowly by sprinkling poisoning over my food and in my drinks.

I don't want to have another Summer like this one.  Next time the warm gardening season gears up I'm going to be ready.  I hope to have the space to plant a fruit tree or two.  If the crops I buy out of the grocery store aren't going to be sweet enough to calm my sweet tooth cravings, then I'll just make it so that I have no one to blame but myself if my fruit doesn't come out right.


Smooches!

Broke Food Chronicles

Dear Akoma,

So I kinda pissed my girlfriend off by acting like a douche bag in front of her friends.  She's been giving me the ice queen treatment for days.  I put my foot in my mouth and told her I'd cook a romantic dinner for her this weekend.  Dude, I don't know how to cook AND I've only got $25 to pull this off.  I got butter, flour, water, whole white mushrooms, a box of linguine, and a bottle of this stuff:

I'm totally screwed.  Help!

---DoucheMan in Charleston, SC

Dear DoucheMan,

I've got the perfect dish to make for your girlfriend and you won't break the bank.

Ingredients

1/2 Box of linguine pasta 
1 Bag of ez peel large, deveined shrimp, shelled
2 Tablespoons of butter 
1 Carton or 2 cups of whole white mushrooms, chopped
1 Cup of water
3 Tablespoons of flour 
2 Tablespoons of butter
1 Teaspoon garlic, minced 
1 1/2 Teaspoon of Italian seasoning
2 Teaspoons garlic pepper
1 Cup of pasta water, reserved
1 1/2 teaspoon Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning, Original 



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Directions

1. Rinse and pat dry your shelled shrimp.  Coat the shrimp in 1 teaspoon of Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning and 1 teaspoon of garlic pepper seasoning.

2. Bring a large pot of water to a boil.  Add linguine and cook for 5 minutes.  The pasta should still be slightly stiff.  Drain, but reserve one cup of the water to use later.

3. Thoroughly rinse that pot and place back on the stove on a medium-low heat.  Add 2 tablespoons of butter and 1/2 teaspoon of Italian seasoning.  Add mushrooms and cook for 2 minutes or until browned.  Remove from the pot.

4. Place 3 tablespoons of flour into a bowl.  Briskly stir the flour while slowly adding water until you get to one full cup added.  Stir until completely mixed and all lumps are removed.  

5. Add 1 cup of pasta water, 2 tablespoons of butter, the flour/water mixture, and the mixed garlic to the pot.  Increase the temperature to medium-high and stir continuously. Make sure to get all lumps out.

6. Once the sauce thickens, add the shrimp, the remaining garlic pepper and Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning and let cook for 3 minutes.

7.  Turn the temperature down to medium-low and add mushrooms and linguine.  Cover the pot with a lid and let cook for 5 minutes.

I recommend going to Big Lots to get most of your ingredients.  You can get:

Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning 3.25 oz ($1.50)
Jar of Minced Garlic ($1)
Garlic Pepper ($0.50)
Italian Seasoning ($0.50)
2 Candles ($2)

Your local grocery store, Food Lion, has shrimp on sale.  You can get a bag for $7.99.  Get the cheapest, prettiest flowers that you can find.  Or, buy one single rose to give to her.  It should cost no more than $5.

Set the table with lighted candles, your chilled wine, and her flower(s).  Use the best plates and silverware that you have and for goodness sakes behave as undouche-like as humanly possible.  Women tend to brag to their girlfriends about their boyfriends.  I'm sure she's mortified that you didn't live up to the greatness that her friends expected.

Oh, and LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS!

Smooches!

Whars Da Beef?

As I'm trying to become healthier, I've been substituting some ingredients or adding things to increase the healthfulness (is that even a word?!) of my food.  Many of the recipes that include beef often tell you to use lean turkey instead.  Well, that may be okay for some, but many times I end up asking myself, "Where's the beef?"

I used to get a kick out of this commercial.  This woman was serious about her beef and she needed answers...STAT!  If you've never seen this commercial, take a moment to check it out now.

Meatloaf was one of the first recipes that I tried to substitute turkey for beef.  Honestly, when it was fresh out of the oven and drizzled in low-sodium gravy, it was delicious.  However, it was rock hard the next day.  I've tried all sorts of tips to keep the ground turkey moist, but it just doesn't work.  I've been using ground white turkey, but I suspect that other people are using ground dark turkey for their recipes.  They don't sell that in any of the stores in my area, but maybe they have it elsewhere.

I found a meatloaf recipe in the Extreme Fat Smash Diet book by Dr. Ian K. Smith.  It was right on the money and very delicious.  It allows you to mix in lean ground beef.  I've modified it slightly but I can honestly say that I don't miss regular meatloaf at all.

Ingredients

1 Pound of ground chuck (90% lean)
1 Pound of ground turkey  (ground chicken is just as tasty)
1/2 Cup of Egg Beaters
2 Tablespoons of tomato paste or ketchup
1 Small white onion diced finely
1 Snack pack of baby carrots diced finely
1/4 cup of celery diced finely
1 Tablespoon of Italian seasoning
2 Tablespoons of Italian croutons crushed into breadcrumbs
Salt and pepper to taste



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Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well with your hands (gloved if you have long nails)

3. Form the mixture into four small loaves

4. Bake on a rimmed baking sheet for 35-45 minutes, or until the juices bubbling around the loaves run clear.


Smooches!

Toufayan Bakeries

I absolutely adore the products that this company makes.  It's not terribly expensive and their products are made right here in the United States of America.

I was actually introduced to this product by happenstance.  My father asked me to make him some spaghetti and garlic bread.  I was happy to do so because my parents love when I prepare that meal for them.  However, my mom always seemed disappointed that she could only have a small portion of garlic bread. Bread contains carbohydrates and sugars that are not healthy for diabetics to consume in great quantities.

I went to my neighborhood market and asked a woman in the bakery what type of bread she would recommend for a diabetic.  She pointed me in the direction of this pita bread made by Toufayan Bakeries.  The low-carb pita bread contains 0 grams of sugar and only 16 grams of total carbohydrates.  I made the garlic pita bread that night and since then, I've used many of their varieties and have never been disappointed.

Here is the recipe for the garlic-herb butter that I spread on my pita bread.

Ingredients

1 Package of Toufayan Bakeries pita bread (any variety)
3 Tablespoons of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter (softened)
1 Tablespoon and 1 teaspoon of garlic powder
1 Teaspoon of dried parsley flakes
1 Teaspoon of dried basil leaves



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Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Mix butter, garlic, and herbs in a small bowl

3. Line a baking pan with non-stick aluminum foil

4. Spread the garlic-herb butter on top of the pita bread and place onto the baking pan

5. Bake for 7 minutes and then change the oven temperature to broil

6. Broil for 1-2 minutes or until the pita bread crisps along the edges



Smooches!

Foodie Review

Are you a sucker for the people who give out samples in the grocery store? I am! This weekend I tried a new product by Quaker and I am in love.

 Here's the description of the product from their Facebook page:

About Delightfully creamy and deliciously fun to eat, Müller™ yogurt is a totally new taste you can scoop, swirl, or dip any time of day. 

Description 
Müller™ yogurt, beloved in Europe for generations, is now available on this side of the pond thanks to The Quaker Oats Company and Müller. Müller yogurt comes in many varieties and flavor experiences to try. Müller™ FrütUp™ yogurt is a brand new way to enjoy parfait-style yogurt with a light, airy fruit mousse on top. Müller™ Corner™ and Müller™ Greek Corner™, popular in the U.K., each have a two-chamber cup that includes creamy yogurt in one chamber and delicious mix-ins like fruit, caramelized almonds, crunchy cereal and chocolate in the other. All Müller yogurt is made from reduced-fat milk and is a good source of calcium and protein. Once you taste it, there’s just one word to describe it – YUM! For now, Müller yogurt is available at most grocery stores in the Northeast and mid-Atlantic section of the country, but keep in touch -- we will be expanding soon (check out our store locator). For all of you about to try this totally new taste – our spoons salute you! Happy mixing! 

What's 2 Love:

* This yogurt is very creamy and rich.  It still has the sharp, tangy flavor that is associated with Greek yogurt, but is also slightly sweet and very smooth.

* I like that you can control how much of the mix-in flavor you want to add to your yogurt.  Sometimes when you buy premixed yogurt it seems like you are tasting everything but the yogurt itself.  You don't have that problem with this yogurt because they give you just enough for it to be thoroughly mixed.

* They come in yum-tastic flavors.  I purchased three different types (strawberry, blackberry & raspberry, and caramelized almonds).  I have no complaints about the way they taste.  I'm pretty shocked that I like the yogurt that doesn't have any fruit.

* They are inexpensive.  I am a big fan of the McDonald's Parfait and this gives me the same feel at a much lower cost per serving.  If you want, you can add your own granola.  I do and it takes this yogurt from being great to out of this world good!


Downers:

* They highlight the fact that this product is made with reduced milk and is packed with protein and calcium.  This is very true, however, it is loaded with sugar.  The three flavors that I purchased have between 18-21 grams of sugar per serving.

* Also, if you are watching your calories this might not be the most efficient way to spend your daily calorie allowance.  The three flavors that I purchased have between 140-220 calories.  This can seem to be a bit much for a snack, but is not that bad if you consume this for breakfast.  For instance my breakfast menu might be:

Black coffee (5 calories)
Blackberry & Raspberry Müller™ yogurt (140 calories)
Bear Naked Banana Granola-1 tsp (12 calories)
Jennie-O Extra Lean Turkey Bacon-1 slice (20 calories)
Whole Wheat Toast-1 slice (100 calories)
1 bottle of water

I get a pretty full and balanced breakfast for under 300 calories.

So, all in all, I give this new product by Quaker 4 out of 5 smiley faces.  They would score better if they provided an option for those who cannot consume products high in sugar.

:) :) :) :)




 Smooches!

Shh...I've Got Some Pot.......Roast

Word on the e-streets is that I have some pot...roast.  I'm telling you man, one hit of this and you'll be high as a kite. I don't want to brag but people always come back for more after I let them sample a taste.  I can let you try it for free this time, but if you like it, you'll have to give me a little cash.  Oh, you think you're ready to try this pot...roast?  Now I'm not so sure that you can handle it, because this is for the boys and girls in the big leagues.  You seem to still be wet behind the ears.  But since you asked so nicely, I'll oblige your request.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup of water
3 1/2 lbs rump roast
1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 small onion course chopped
1 snack pack size of baby carrots
Ground pepper/garlic powder/seasoned salt to taste

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Directions

1. Preheat Oven to 325 degrees and melt butter in a large frying pan using medium-high heat

2. Thoroughly wash your rump roast and trim excess fat

3. In a mixing bowl, combine flour, seasoned salt, garlic powder and pepper.  I used around 1/4 of a teaspoon of each seasoning.

4. Completely dredge the rump roast in the flour making sure to shake off the excess flour.  Place in the frying pan and brown on each sides.  Once browned, place in a casserole dish with a lid.

5. In mixing bowl, combine the mushroom soup, onion soup mix, water, and onions and pour over the roast

6. Cover and bake for 3 hours.

7. Add carrots and bake until the onions are softened.  You could also add green beans/potatoes to truly make this a one pot meal.


Smooches!

Random Food Thoughts: Inappropriate or Weird

I went to Applebees with some friends during happy hour.  Understandably, it was busy, but after over thirty minutes of waiting for our food and drinks, I was incredibly hungry.  The group next to my table had a wide variety of appetizers on their table that caused my stomach to growl loudly and it would not let up.  I could not take it anymore and I asked the group if I could have some of their food.
 /blush

My friends were horrified and time stood still as the people from the other table looked at me like I was an alien.  However, they were gracious enough to allow me to take a few of their appetizers to hold me over until our food orders came.  I bought them a pitcher of beer to show appreciation for their kindness.  This was years ago, but I still wonder if those people think about that night when some greedy, shameless stranger begged them for morsels of food.  I think this one falls under #inappropriate AND #weird

 Smooches!