Picture it...South Carolina....2007. I had been slaving away at work and typing until my fingers bled (that's what it felt like!). All of a sudden, it hit me like a bolt of lightening. In my mind's eye, an image of the Arby's logo appeared. In that moment, I knew the mission that I was being charged to complete. By any means necessary, I was to obtain a roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and a Pepsi. As all heroes do, I chose to accept that challenge.
I sought out a coworker, who I knew possessed a secret power. He had the ability to slow down time and whiz through traffic so that I wouldn't be late returning from my lunch hour. He and I went armed with debit cards and growling stomachs. We were determined not to let anything get in our way. We went; we paid; we conquered. The only thing left to do was enjoy the spoils of war.
As I ascended the staircase in my office building I felt on top of the world. Still, a slight sliver of dread filled my being, but I brushed it off. I had returned to work in plenty of time to enjoy my meal in the breakroom and my food was hot and smelling great. In a few short steps the world would be mine.
My arch nemesis, i.e. the staircase, had other plans. It waited until I got to the very last step I had to climb and wrapped itself around my ankle. It jostled me and try as I might, I could not hold onto my bag of food. A sharp pain seized my chest as I watched my hot, perfectly prepared food plummet down three flights of steps. I held out hope that the packaging would keep the food safe so I raced back down to inspect the damage.
My hopes were in vain. My food was splattered against the commercial flooring. I'm not ashamed to admit that piece of me died that day. I am ashamed, however, to admit that tears fell from my eyes. Real noticeable tears streaked down my face in front of my coworker and friend. He actually had to console me due to the severity of my devastation.
I share this tale to help others. The shame forced me to learn two valuable lessons that has forever since changed my life.
1. Always go on food missions alone. If you fail, there won't be any witnesses.
2. If your craving is that demanding, do not pass go, go straight to eating the food immediately.
Smooches!
